


HR standard operating procedure

by trsu



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Kink Meme, Other, Starkiller base HR department, off-screen sexual harassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 16:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6476755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trsu/pseuds/trsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working in HR isn't much fun even on a regular day, and when you have to call in your general it gets much worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HR standard operating procedure

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt at the star wars kink meme: https://starwarskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/586.html?thread=835658#cmt835658
> 
> Soooo, I've spent the evening reading a bunch of Kylux fanfic where Kylo is being Kylo, and Hux either ties him up, touches him inappropriately, or implies he needs a good hard dicking to get him to behave. And I suddenly thought, wow, in the real world HR would have Hux's ass on a platter for that. 
> 
> So maybe there is a HR department on Starkiller Base. And maybe Kylo lodges a formal complaint (or maybe someone else does), but the end result is that Hux is put on probation until he's deemed rehabilitated. Is he forced to watch a bunch of informatory holos from the time before the Empire fell? Or does he have to go to anti-harassment workshops?

Working in the HR department was never El's goal when she was a kid. She'd been dreaming of something else, of fighting for the cause, killing rebels, but they tell her this is important too. It's good for morale. And she apparently had 'special skills' (she's not sure what those are). The order to even have an HR department came from high up, and isn't that ironic, considering who's in front of her. Though of course, higher up doesn't necessarily have to mean the General, but he would have had to approve it at some point, as the highest ranking officer on Starkiller base.

She doesn't enjoy her job, but she doesn't hate it either. Usually. The problem now is, of course, that while her job includes making sure officers keep to the rules laid down to protect troopers, and in that sense General Hux isn't the one in charge of this meeting, the fact remains that, in a very real sense, he's in charge of everything that happens on the base. Including HR.

“General, are you aware of the nature of the charges laid against you?” she asks, and is very proud of herself for keeping her voice steady despite the fact that her pulse is probably somewhere around 150.

“No,” he says, and she was dreading this. The summons contain a shortened version of the charges, and she's not sure if he's just not read them or if he wants to make this difficult.

“Well, sir, in chronological order: five weeks ago you allegedly told Lord Ren that he would, and I quote, 'benefit from a long, hard fuck'.” She's sure her blush is strong enough to be seen even though her skin color usually covers it up. Her cheeks are certainly warm enough. General Hux, meanwhile, hasn't moved a muscle.

“Four weeks ago you said something similar, and also threatened to tie him up, something Lord Ren has claimed made him worried that you may make similar threats to people who can't defend themselves. Sir.”

“This is ridiculous,” Hux says, and there's a hint of color on his cheeks (of course, he has the kind of complexion that shows everything. Seems impractical.)

“These are the charges, General, sir. There's a procedure to follow,” she says, because she has to, because this is her job, because these are serious charges laid against him, and also, it's her goddamn job which she has hated fiercely ever since Lord Ren stepped into her office and said he had a complaint to make.

“Summarize,” he orders.

“Three more occasions of threatening to tie him up, five more of suggesting he should engage in sexual relations, and two days ago, you allegedly pushed him against a wall and bit him. Sir, I have to inform you that as per our standard operating procedure for allegations of this nature we have reviewed relevant security recordings and enough of the charges Lord Ren have laid against you can be verified that way, so that means that, um, sir, per operating procedure, you have to participate in our program to prevent sexual harassment, sir.”

The look on the General's face is one she will probably see in her nightmares for the next year. She braces herself for something, she doesn't know what, a punch maybe? Being fired? Being shot where she stands?

“I see,” the General says. “I suppose the fact that Lord Ren is not formally part of the running of this base, that he is something of a visitor, will not change anything?”

“Sir standard operating procedure,sir,” she squeaks.

“And the fact that I'm right?” he says.

“Sorry, sir?” she says, and the shock gives her voice a bit more strength.

“Never mind,” he says. He doesn't look furious anymore, but the blankness of his face is not actually very comforting. “Send the details to my secretary.” 

He turns and leaves, and as soon as the door closes she collapses enough to sink out of her chair and onto the floor. She doesn't have any more meetings today, so she can indulge in a brief panic attack.

She's going to need so much booze on the weekly department drinking therapy (not her idea for a name, but it fits). And then she finds the silver lining on this particularly large and horrible cloud: no one is going to beat her story in the 'worst meeting of the week' competition, and this means she will not have to pay herself for the amount of alcohol she will need to forget this entire thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Is Kylo messing with Hux? Does he have a deep personal dislike of sexual harassment and feels it his duty to alert HR to this shocking misconduct? Was he the one insisting on an HR department? Was it because this has happened before? We shall never know (unless someone else wants to write it, that'd be awesome)


End file.
